Memoirs

I don’t read many memoirs; the genre is often problematic for me.  An author may be among the least qualified to write about himself.  Political memoirs are often primarily an opportunity to spin for the historians and settle old scores.  Then there’s the credibility factor of many modern personal memoirs.  The bar has been set so high in terms of exaggerated suffering, kinky relationships, and horrific abuse that publishers seem to demand more and more startling confession, less and less good storytelling. I’m not a big fan of the Jeannette Walls books.  Sorry, but I just don’t believe her.  I do better with more casual memoirs that loosely connect memories, books that just try to tell some first-person stories in an engaging way.  They don’t try to drive home key points about the meaning of life.  Try ‘Stuffed’, by Patricia Volk.  In broad terms she takes the approach of one chapter per major figure in her life.  No consistent chronological line from beginning to end.  It’s more along the lines of “Here are some things that happened to me and people that matter to me. You make sense of it. I won’t even try.”

So while 'The Tender Bar' came highly recommended to me, I confess to picking it up with some trepidation.  On the whole, though, J.R. Moehringer has written an engaging book that hangs together pretty well.  Born in 1964, Moehringer published the book in 2005 at the age of 41.  The book deals with his life up to the age of 25.  Pretty early to be writing a memoir.  I’m not sure I can make much sense of my life now at the age of 60. At 41 my vision was even more limited. But nonetheless Moehringer does his best to weave some strands that hold the book together.

But it does make me appreciate the sublime artificiality of fiction.  Blank slate. The author can make up whatever he pleases.  He has so many resources at his disposal:  plot, character, language, tone, structure, etc.  As long as it makes sense on its own terms, fine. Reality be damned. Readers are the real winners.

So let’s start with the title, 'The Tender Bar'.  Play on bartender, of course.  The central place in the book is a specific drinking hole where the author spent lots of time as a young adult.  But it was anything but a tender place. A place that ‘tended’ to him?  Maybe.  I guess.  Seems a bit of a stretch to me.  Could have done better, I think. Seems awkward. What am I missing?

Alcohol as father stand in?

There are a some themes that run through the book: missing and disappointing father; struggling but admirable mother; alcoholism; extended family populated with intelligent but under-educated and under-achieving adults; the usual coming-of-age struggle to find the right place in the world. The father theme was most compelling to me.  At 25 he finally understood that while he was entitled to need what he needed from his father, his father was simply incapable of filling those needs.  Keep looking for that person in his father or accept that his father was in many ways a screw-up.  A lose-lose proposition. His father would never be the person he needed him to be.  To fool himself into thinking that his father was that person but was somehow unavailable was not productive.  Ultimately, accepting disappointment and heartbreak is the only key to freedom. But it sucks.

The writing is just fine, but ultimately a little precious for my taste.  Most chapters have that little tie-up at the end that’s a little forced.  Reads a bit like a collection of college application essays.  Trying really hard to come across well.  (The film rights have been purchased.  Do I want to see this as a film?)

Moehringer is clearly a gifted journalist.  I haven’t read the Agassi book, but from what I hear it’s pretty daring.  Agassi read 'The Tender Bar' and immediately thought: this is the person to ghost-write my memoir.  That’s impressive.

There’s a new book of historical fiction about the bank robber Willy Sutton.  Probably worth a try.

And on a personal note, I’m so pleased to see that Janice Van Horn’s memoir ‘A Complicated Life: My Life with Clement Greenberg' has been published.  She’s an old friend and neighbor from New York, and a terrific person.  I so look forward to reading it.